I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize