that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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