I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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