Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
