4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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