sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
