we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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