how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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