So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
