Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
