No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
