At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
