i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
where are my eyebrows?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
