I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
