when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
