you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize