those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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