shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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