we're blogging at a bar
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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