Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Success! We fucked roommates!
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