Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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