saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
