I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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