Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
