hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
