I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
