I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
