After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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