I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
