Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We don't watch enough power rangers
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
