How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
