i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize