tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
