after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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