and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
