I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
