so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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