just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
