I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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