Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
