i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
