He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize