That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
