he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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