i think my mom watched the whole time
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
