i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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