my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
