i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
