i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
