I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
