You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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