my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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