you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
