He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
