You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's like iHOP with fire
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
