Porn is love you can see.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
