Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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