seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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