You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
