roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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