You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
