Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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