So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
