Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
