hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
