I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
